I was wondering if you could have a look at one thing for me. This one "last thing" feels like it could be my "final frontier" in emotional triggers/healing..like the king of them all-lol . and its really really annoying coz i cant figure it out and seriously disempowering!
its the biggest issue I’ve repeatedly ever had and its a duzie coz i just cant seem to get my head around it..had it about 14-15 times in my life so far.. I’ve gone to many people tried every technique and yes over the years it has gotten less but it is still there..and i cant believe its still there either.. and for "it" to not be there would literally mean the world to me coz it seems to be connected to everything else in my being somehow....
And it might seem quite basic. when it starts i feel it in my shins first.... the loss of power starts with my shins then i get a lot of heat and sweats and stiffness in energy in my aura down my left side (head, shoulder, back ,leg. Total Disempowerment.. Its just a trigger what happens to me when I’m "flying" in life. you know everything going good, everything connecting, in life and meditations, just bliss..-no divisions just pure perfectness.. seems to happen every six months or so... the at the height of all this loveliness, BAM! i get hammered by this trigger and i feel like it all get zapped out of me somehow. The trigger is always the same. Ill be in an ultra good mood and high state after lots of meditation/yoga etc, zooming along so smooth, and then in my good mood, i will offer to help someone with a problem (usually something emotional or meditation or something) but really really want to help them, maybe even “save” them, like i would give away my "state" of consciousness and light for them.., and then ill say something like, "i can really help with that" or " why don’t you come and and do this meditation course with me I’ve really been wanting to do" then out of nowhere i get this fear/feeling that they will zap my energy, steal it from me, which makes no sense at all coz i know consciously energy is infinite but this feels like it take me over unconsciously. then before i know it im in energetic despair, all my chi is gone, drained or something, all my good energy is gone, which is absurd because i know its infinite... its always down my left side as well.. and this hopelessness feeling can last for months and take months of meditation to get back to normal.. It has actually scared me off spiritual practices in the distant past because the recovery time is so long and in that recovery time it effects my life. it does feel a lot like loss.
So thanks for reading that. like i said I’ve asked a lot of people.. nobody seems to have the answer... i try sitting with it but it just takes over me like an anxiety.. it starts mentally then moved onto emotionally then eats away my "energy" mostly on my left side... and i feel like if i didn’t have that wall, that block.. man life would be so good for me you know.
thanks again i really do appreciate your feedback/healing.