Su Far & Silent Reader,

I am a regular in this forum, but for this posting I am not using the nick I normally use for privacy reason.

My condolences to both you and your families. I know no words can replace the sorrow, but time will heal and lessen the pain. Surround yourself with people you love. At this moment, emotional support is very important. Don't isolate yourself and try to deal with it alone. If you feel like a chat or wish to communicate with me, please leave your e-mail address in the forum and I would write to you.

I know how both of you feel. About 3 years ago, my husband was diagnosed with bladder cancer. It was a total shock for me. He is a non-smoker, drinks only occasionally, and takes care of what he eats. Like Silent Reader, I felt a range of emotions ... disbelief, devastation, confusion, resentment, anger, sorrow, etc. He had the tumours taken out but 3 months later, another tumour appeared. Again, I went through another round of disbelief, devastation, etc. It was an emotional roller coaster ride.

I was full of questions. Why did this happen to him? How could it be possible? Bladder cancer normally strikes those aged 60+ and smokers. He's only 42 when he was diagnosed. He doesn't smoke and there's no history of cancer in his family. The doctor thought that it might be secondhand smoke that caused it.

It was a very tough time for me then. I was about 5 months pregnant then and the toll it took shows in my pregnancy. I was losing weight and my gynae joked that I was taking her advise about maintaining a proper weight too seriously (she didn't know about my husband's health problem). At the end of the day, I gave birth to a 6+ lbs child which suprised us. We (including the gynae)were expecting a 9 pounder as my older 2 kids were 9 pounders. I sometimes can't help but wonder if those last 4 months of my pregnancy affected the growth of the baby.

I am lucky in the sense that my husband discovered the Big C early (he had Stage 2a bladder cancer). Come this Oct, he'll be cleared off the Big C for 3 years. He has to go for regular checkups and treatments as bladder cancer is known to recur even in people who are free from it for years. Every visit to the urologist is a test of nerves, fear and anxiety.

I am thankful that my husband is now in good health. I am now more conscious about eating right and taking care of my health. Before this, like most people I have the attitude that this would not happen to me. Not anymore.

Take care.

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Replying to:

Hi,

I am really sorry about the tragic! I guess life is just full of unexpected things. We never know what's gonna happen to us/our family & friends in the next minute. I know how you guys feel since I had lost a close friend of mine two years ago. It's painful and hard to "digest"! But, I hope you'd grap on to all your strength. I believe "time" can heal our pain. And, I think there's always a lesson behind everything. Losing that my best buddy made me realize that I really need to cherish what we have.

Anyway, wish you both all the best!

Wing

Thank you friend, please send me an email if you have the time. I'm feeling really down that i've a fever since yesterday. The memories of her is still vividly lingering in my mind. Gosh! i miss her so much... And, i felt that i had not done enough for her and i really regret it.

this is my email address: sufarinawati@yahoo.com

Thought that you might want to go to this site for encouragement and motivation.

http://www.motivateus.com/stories/grieving.htm

Su Far, I have e-mailed you.

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Replying to:

Thank you friend, please send me an email if you have the time. I'm feeling really down that i've a fever since yesterday. The memories of her is still vividly lingering in my mind. Gosh! i miss her so much... And, i felt that i had not done enough for her and i really regret it.

this is my email address: sufarinawati@yahoo.com

condolence to you and your family. Yes such a tragic loss. Time will eventually heal all pains...

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Replying to:

Hi,

I am really sorry about the tragic! I guess life is just full of unexpected things. We never know what's gonna happen to us/our family & friends in the next minute. I know how you guys feel since I had lost a close friend of mine two years ago. It's painful and hard to "digest"! But, I hope you'd grap on to all your strength. I believe "time" can heal our pain. And, I think there's always a lesson behind everything. Losing that my best buddy made me realize that I really need to cherish what we have.

Anyway, wish you both all the best!

Wing

--- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---

Replying to:

condolence to you and your family. Yes such a tragic loss. Time will eventually heal all pains...

--- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---

Replying to:

Hi,

I am really sorry about the tragic! I guess life is just full of unexpected things. We never know what's gonna happen to us/our family & friends in the next minute. I know how you guys feel since I had lost a close friend of mine two years ago. It's painful and hard to "digest"! But, I hope you'd grap on to all your strength. I believe "time" can heal our pain. And, I think there's always a lesson behind everything. Losing that my best buddy made me realize that I really need to cherish what we have.

Anyway, wish you both all the best!

Wing