the NBTHS Instrumentalist Rants.
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ooram



Jun 6, 07 - 6:41 PM 		How to Annoy Mr. Egan

1. Ask, "Why didn't I get the solo?" constantly.
2. Play forte, all the time!
3. Continue playing for 5 measures after Mr.Egan cuts you off.
4. Arrive for your playing test with the wrong instrument.
5. Forget your music.
6. Forget your instrument.
7. Chew gum!
8. When you have to play piano, play forte.
9. When you have to play forte, play piano.
10. Constantly ask to challenge those ahead of you.
11. During a scale test, play the first couple notes right then a wrong note, ask to start over, and do this repeatedly.
12. Tune to the wrong note.
13. Hide Mr.Egan's scores
14. Play an octave higher than what it's written to be.
15. Ask, "Why didn't I get first chair?" constantly.



sorry i'm mad bored right now...
stevie



Jun 6th, 2007 - 7:10 PM 		Re: How to Annoy Mr. Egan

1)hide the baton next to his c trumpet right before the show starts.
2)steal his shirts
3) constantly bring up how during Mame right when he was supposed to play a solo, his mute fell onto the floor and clanked real loud.

what was great about the Mame one was that his cue was, wheres the boy with the bugle. when the mute fell out people in the pit began whispering,"down here!!"
these were done during les mis and Mame
uber-band geek



Jun 6th, 2007 - 7:19 PM 		Re: How to Annoy Mr. Egan

How To Annoy Conductors in General

1. Bury your face in the music just before a tempo change.
2. Wait until well into the rehearsal/class before mentioning that you dont have any music or getting up to find music.
3. During a dramatic climax in the music, be sure that you are eiter way out of tune or in a different key.
4. Remember: softer means slower.
5. Faster means louder.
6. During a long and important rest or pause, hold your note a half second too long or start playing again a beat before the rest is over.
7. When the conductor is working with another section, feel free to speak with someone across the room about something completely unrelated. And be sure to be extra loud so you can hear yourself over those the conductor is working with.
8. If you are a drummer, always play loud enough so the conductor can't hear the rest of the band.
9. Play your Nintendo DS behind the music stand. Make sure the sound is turned up to max.
10. Play with dynamics that are opposite from those written in your music, or use no dynamics at all (especially during a part where dynamics are essential).
uber-band geek



Jun 6th, 2007 - 7:23 PM 		Re: How to Annoy Mr. Egan

for #4 and 5, it can be the other way around, too.
stevie



Jun 6th, 2007 - 7:25 PM 		Re: How to Annoy Mr. Egan

when you have a solo
1) dont come in on time
2) dont come in at all
3) make sure that you play it as quiet as possible
4) if you play it loud, make its just ridiculous and completely out of tune
5) make sure that every pitch you play sounds like a dying animal
6) just improvise a solo
Mark



Jun 6th, 2007 - 7:58 PM 		Re: How to Annoy Mr. Egan

Don't pay attention to key signatures
(Play every song in C or F#)
Gatesy



Jun 6th, 2007 - 8:05 PM 		Re: How to Annoy Mr. Egan

1. have somebody call your cell phone in the middle of playing. make sure the volume is up to max.
2. call EGAN in the middle of playing
3. slouch in your chair
4. cross your legs
5. arrive late to class
6. talk back (oh God dont ever do this i swear he will verbally smash you... and then verbally smash your mom)

i am NOT saying any of you should do these things, however i am bored too.
stevie



Jun 6th, 2007 - 8:21 PM 		Re: How to Annoy Mr. Egan

if you play duets with him, play real simple rythyms completely wrong. or play the same line as him even after he says do the other line. constantly ask, "which song are we playing" or"where are we starting from?"
my bass is sexier than you and your mom



Jun 6th, 2007 - 8:21 PM 		Re: How to Annoy Mr. Egan

haha

one time with mr ford, when we were practicing the hallelujah chorus, i told all the basses to play it in D Minor instead of major, making some key notes sound horrible, while other sound fine. then when he had us play it by ourselves, we played it right, then went back to playing it wrong again.

so,

yeah, play it in a minor key instead of major, (add a couple flats, sharps, or naturals that dont belong.

or if you can do it on the fly, transpose every note up a tritone (this is kinda hard to do but makes every note sound really horrible, its pretty fun)

example - every c natural will be played as an f sharp.

DRUMMERS - drop stuff like cymbals that roll around for a couple seconds.

make sure whenever you adjust your music stand to knock it over, spilling your music all over the place.

criticize his conducting, say "i cant find the beat" - conductors are always sensitive about their technique
amandur



Jun 6th, 2007 - 10:10 PM 		Re: How to Annoy Mr. Egan

are you guys really serious???like dont you have finals to study for or something?there is no way you guys couldve passed all of your classes cause youre always in band lessons...
stevie



Jun 7th, 2007 - 5:58 AM 		Re: How to Annoy Mr. Egan

straight A's. except for freakin spanish and math, which is total crap.
Mark



Jun 7th, 2007 - 6:34 AM 		Re: How to Annoy Mr. Egan

finals are like... two weeks from now
why study now, the proven method is to wait until the very last minute and then study like crazy
stevie



Jun 7th, 2007 - 3:13 PM 		Re: How to Annoy Mr. Egan

or you could do the stephen komar method, dont study at all. ive never studied once before, i refuse to start now. ive been fine without studying and look at me now! .... now that i think of it, maybe you should study
Sweeney



Jun 7th, 2007 - 3:22 PM 		Re: How to Annoy Mr. Egan

Finals aren't important, nor are they hard, and the perfect way to annoy Mr. Egan, or anyone else for that matter is:

Be Frank Sweeney
uber-band geek



Jun 7th, 2007 - 3:54 PM 		Re: How to Annoy Mr. Egan

frank, that definitely takes it! =D
but, just for the fun of it, here's some more:
-when tuning, if he tells you to push the mouthpiece in, pull it out. if he tells you to pull it out, push it in.
-drummers: use rimshots whenever possible, especially if not written in the music.
-while playing a chromatic scale, play a different scale. (especially bells)
-if you have a solo coming up, yawn really loud when it starts and slouch back in your chair, then "remember" you have the solo and try to catch up with the conducting.
-do what john did (sorry, im running out of ideas.)
-constantly slow down or speed up during any given piece.
ooram



Jun 7th, 2007 - 5:37 PM 		Re: How to Annoy A Conductor In General

1.Never be satisfied with the tuning note. Fussing about the pitch takes attention away from the podium and puts it on you, where it belongs.
2.When raising the music stand, be sure the top comes off and spills the music on the floor.
3.Complain about the temperature of the rehearsal room, the lighting, crowded space, or a draft. It's best to do this when the conductor is under pressure.
4.Look the other way just before cues.
5.Never have the proper mute or extra reeds. Percussion players must never have all their equipment.
6.Ask for a re-audition or seating change. Ask often. Give the impression you're about to quit. Let the conductor know you're there as a personal favor.
7.Play random notes as if you are checking your intonation at every opportunity, especially when the conductor is giving instructions. Brass players: drop mutes. Percussionists have a wide variety of droppable items, but cymbals are unquestionably the best because they roll around for several seconds.
8.Loudly blow water from the keys during pauses (Horn, oboe and clarinet players are trained to do this from birth).
9.Long after a passage has gone by, ask the conductor if your C# was in tune. This is especially effective if you had no C# or were not playing at the time. (If he catches you, pretend to be correcting a note in your part.)
10.At dramatic moments in the music (while the conductor is emoting), be busy marking your music so that the climaxes will sound empty and disappointing.
11.Wait until well into a rehearsal before letting the conductor know you don't have the music.
12.Look at your watch frequently. Shake it in disbelief occasionally.
13.Tell the conductor, "I can't find the beat." Conductors are always sensitive about their "stick technique", so challenge it frequently.
14.As the conductor if he has listened to the Bernstein recording of the piece. Imply that he could learn a thing or two from it. Also good: ask "Is this the first time you've conducted this piece?"
15.When rehearsing a difficult passage, screw up your face and shake your head indicating that you'll never be able to play it. Don't say anything: make him wonder.
16.playing the same phrase, stick to your guns. Do not ask the conductor which is correct until backstage just before the concert.
17.Find an excuse to leave rehearsal about 15 minutes early so that others will become restless and start to pack up and fidget.
18.During applause, smile weakly or show no expression at all. Better yet, nonchalantly put away your instrument. Make the conductor feel he is keeping you from doing something really important.
When the director asks if you've practiced, come up with a good excuse why you couldn't practice to make him feel guilty like, "My grandmother just died, what do you want me to do!"
19.Don't show up to rehersal. This one you must be careful with, if taken to far you might never go to another rehersal again.
20.During a soft passage, reeded instruments do everything you can to squeak. That will always ruin the moment.
It is time that players reminded their conductors of the facts of life: just who do conductors think they are, anyway?
---------------------------------------------------------
Things that all the band kids SHOULDN'T do(idc, u can...)
ooram



Jun 7th, 2007 - 5:47 PM 		Re: How to Annoy Mr. Egan

i know i have no life...
emily



Jun 7th, 2007 - 6:24 PM 		Re: How to Annoy Mr. Egan

haha it is kind of sad that some of those things on the list either i have done or people around me have done : x haha
Mark



Jun 8th, 2007 - 4:46 PM 		Re: How to Annoy Mr. Egan

kinda easy to use, C# on alto sax is always out of tune,
and it sounds like bad
a geeky student aka emilwee weung



Jun 10th, 2007 - 3:21 PM 		Re: How to Annoy Mr. Egan

1. scream out to mr. egan, "AYO! WUTZ GUUUUUDDDDDD!?" in the middle of class
2. when someone is about to play a solo, play the doom song (c c c c e-flat d d c c b c) really really loudly
3. write all over mr. egan's notes on the dry erase board

lol, sorry, i just needed a little break from studying
stevie



Jun 10th, 2007 - 4:29 PM 		Re: How to Annoy Mr. Egan

whats the rythym for the doom song?

you know what also works probably, asking for the fingerings for notes right before a show
nage



Jun 11th, 2007 - 8:26 AM 		Re: How to Annoy Mr. Egan

okay i was a band student once too so here's some that i think you missed.
1. ask for a reed while your on stage before a performance.
2. show your instrument to the conductor on stage with one valve stuck down.
3. play something wrong during a performance that has never gone wrong before during any of the 5 million rehearsals you've had.
4. constantly tell the director that your going to move but never do. works equally well with good or bad students.
5. smile at the conductor just before the show revealing your brand new braces.
Sweeney



Jun 11th, 2007 - 2:41 PM 		Re: How to Annoy Mr. Egan

Play louder than an entire trumpet section with a clarinet. This is double bonus because not only will you annoy the director, he will be mad at the trumpets, not at you.
a geeky student aka emilwee weung



Jun 11th, 2007 - 5:54 PM 		Re: How to Annoy Mr. Egan

doom song: half-note (c), dotted quarter-note (c), eight-note (c), half-note (c), dotted quarter-note (e-flat), eight-note (d), dotted quarter-note (d), eight-note (c), dotted quarter-note (c), eight-note (b), half-note (c)
Gatesy



Jun 12th, 2007 - 4:26 PM 		Re: How to Annoy Mr. Egan

lol throw stuff at him while he's conducting
stevie



Jun 14th, 2007 - 5:31 PM 		Re: How to Annoy Mr. Egan

make him realize that youre starting to play better than him and that he should start practicing before a ******* sophmore(now junior yay!) kicks his ass at playing.
Mark



Jun 14th, 2007 - 5:33 PM 		Re: How to Annoy Mr. Egan

I was there. It happened.
stevie



Jun 14th, 2007 - 5:50 PM 		Re: How to Annoy Mr. Egan

i cant say the thing thats asterik-ed out? thats not right at all! oh well. i thought it would add emphasis on the situation.
emily



Jun 14th, 2007 - 7:05 PM 		Re: How to Annoy Mr. Egan

continuously have him be beasted by his students and make him owe you a dollar because you beasted him ha
uber-band geek



Jun 14th, 2007 - 7:25 PM 		Re: How to Annoy Mr. Egan

wow. didn't know you roll like that, komar ! lol
also, stevie, i also know who uber band geek is (obviously)...me and rishi are the only ones who know, and the only ones who ever will!
emily



Jun 14th, 2007 - 7:55 PM 		Re: How to Annoy Mr. Egan

is uber band geek ross the freshamn?
stevie



Jun 14th, 2007 - 8:12 PM 		Re: How to Annoy Mr. Egan

ross has the coolest bed! its a racecar bed, i saw a picture of it! i want that bed. i always wanted one as a kid.
Mark



Jun 14th, 2007 - 8:46 PM 		Re: How to Annoy Mr. Egan

i never got a racecar bed...











lucky
uber-band geek



Jun 15th, 2007 - 1:00 PM 		Re: How to Annoy Mr. Egan

there are two ways to prove i'm not ross the freshman.

1) ross the freshman isn't in marching band.
2) i don't have a racecar bed..
uber-band geek



Jun 15th, 2007 - 1:02 PM 		Re: How to Annoy Mr. Egan

and for #1, i'm not saying you have to be in marching band to be on the rants board, i'm just saying for someone like ross, it's not likely, especially because he's not in marching band.
rishit



Jun 15th, 2007 - 2:25 PM 		Re: How to Annoy Mr. Egan

ross is a little leech
and i'm sure he wouldn't tell me if he was uber-band geek, cuz he's weird like that

but i'm not telling...

oh, and i'll bet anyone $100 that he'll give me his bed for my action replay
peace



Jun 15th, 2007 - 6:57 PM 		Re: How to Annoy Mr. Egan

how about instead of worrying about what bed you have, you try getting laid. this is a pointless conversation
stevie



Jun 16th, 2007 - 9:04 AM 		Re: How to Annoy Mr. Egan

so whats going on with this supposed july 4th parade?
rishit



Jun 16th, 2007 - 2:17 PM 		Re: How to Annoy Mr. Egan

he's not doing it this year, but in future years, he wants to do it as an alumni parade
yo



Aug 20th, 2007 - 6:57 PM 		Re: How to Annoy Mr. Egan

ive got one, even tho u guys stopped talking about this about a month and a 1/2 ago.

tell egan that you're done with playing music, and you want to be in color guard instead. this one would be especially funny if you happen to be an extremely talented and very valued musician.


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